Saving Myself

By: Hanna Haitham

recreational

i look at the window, the view is beautiful and i can see the raindrops as they fall on it. I’ve never realized how recreational rain can be, like washing your sins away leaving you as though you’re unmarked. But you are. I’ve had a new aspect on everything, a poetic aspect if you will, maybe that’s because drastic changed change the way you think. it changed the way you’re wired.

the coffee i’m sipping turns cold and bitter, like the life i left behind. i always stand on days like this wondering how i found the strength to leave, but thanking myself that i did. I didn’t belong there, it was holding me back. He was holding me back. My job, my studies, everything seemed like it didn’t matter. And i always feared reaching the point where i’m in a state of numbness that was my wakeup call.

i wanted out, i wanted freedom. I wanted a life where i could actually care about where i’m headed. Contrary to what most believe, wanting to leave doesn’t always have to do with them, but you. Sometimes you need to save yourself before you drown. And i found my way back to the shore when i left. i no longer question if it was for the best, i know it was. it changed me, saved me. it made me a person who can look at a dark rainy night and think of the word “recreational”

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