Growing up in Egypt teaches a girl certain things; be home before 9, if you’re assaulted or raped it’s your fault, always dress conservatively, don’t wear so much makeup, only sluts smoke, your place is in the kitchen, you have to marry a rich man, you have to be straight, you can’t have sex before marriage, the list could go on forever, but one thing that our parents and their parents before them taught us is that love and abuse are one and the same. We’re taught that a woman’s place is beneath a man, we’re taught that we should be grateful for being treated nicely, we’ve been taught to say please when we wanted something that’s ours, we’ve been taught we’re needy and dependable and thus need men, we’ve been taught to feel remorse when our skin becomes black and blue – that being beaten up is an okay punishment for making a mistake, we’ve been taught that men have more important things to do than give us their time – they will eventually have to provide for a family right? We’ve been taught to be inferior to men, we’ve been taught to accept life as something close to slaves. It is sad how easy it is to make a girl happy, tell her nice things and she lights up like a Christmas tree, take her out and treat her well and she’ll swear to be everything you need for the rest of her life – even if it means being your doormat. Why is it then that we always ask ourselves why girls like bad boys? Isn’t it clear as day? Girls like bad boys because they’ve been taught that “bad boys” are men. Good guys finish last because girls are taught to fear them, when we meet someone who’s nice to us and treats us with respect all the time – we jump to the conclusion that he has an agenda and immediately either friend-zone him or cast him out of our lives.
Are girls entirely victims though? Of course not. Girls like bad boys too because they feel strangely morally superior, yes, you read that right. We’ve been taught to believe in certain moral systems right? Those moral systems are particular to gender right? Here’s the mindfuck; it’s very difficult to examine oneself’s moral flaws normally, let alone when they’re with someone who is so much more morally corrupt. Say a girl doesn’t smoke or drink but her fuckboy boyfriend does – that will give her a sense of satisfaction as our messed up society will see her as blessing him with her moral goodness. Moreover, there’s a certain part of a girl that tends to feel like being with a fuckboy is better than a good guy because if shit goes wrong – the blame will be on the fuckboy regardless of the situation,and thus the blame will never fall on her. As Farah so brilliantly said: “it’s easier to be the victim”. This is exactly why girls should go for the nice guys, they will be the ones who will help you grow, ignore your socialization, you control your mind – your mind does not control you.
You know what’s also really messed up? Girls are taught to love attention right? It’s also a human need. Dating a fuckboy means one thing – a shit ton of drama, an endless pit of theatrics really, it makes girls feel involved and engaged all the time, like there are things happening in her life. Not only does this drama give her attention from her fuckboy friend/bf/lover but if he chooses to ignore her, her friends and her support group will definitely give her that attention and make her feel like she matters. Is that a toxic relationship with yourself? 100%. Be careful of the things you do subconsciously, don’t be afraid to sit down with yourself and figure your feelings out, they are valid and they are ok, seek attention all you want but in a way that is healthy and constructive to you.
So now we are stuck with a second question – are girls victims of bad boys, society, or themselves? That’s for each of you to decide for yourselves.
P.S as Zeina Dessouky said “I think if we’re against labeling girls as ‘sluts’ we shouldn’t label boys as ‘fuckboys'” – in case you were wondering about it.
If you wish to discuss this and/or have another reason – don’t hesitate to email me: