An Open Letter to My Anxiety

You take over my body, my mind, and my soul. I lose control over my body when you’re around, my body goes numb and I cant think straight. You give me a certain high that feels like it consumes my soul. I feel trapped in my own body, I try to break free but it’s like banging my head against a wall.

When your around I cant speak, I can’t cry, I try to breathe but I can’t seem to catch a breath. I feel nauseous but when I open my mouth, nothing comes out. My heart gets heavier but the beats get faster. Everything people have said to me begins to ring in my ears over and over again, everything bad that has ever happened to me starts playing on repeat in my head, and theres nothing I can do to stop it.

People call me crazy because of you, so I keep you locked away, hidden with a smile on my face, maybe even some laughter and a few jokes, so no one can tell that youre slowly killing me. They give you fancy medical names and they tell me how I can stop it but nothing seems to work. Just breathe and youll calm down.They say, they have no idea that this dark thing inside me is ripping me apart, keeping me from everything good in my life.

You hold me back from trying new things and stepping out of my comfort zone, but I do I really want to leave my comfort zone? Do I want to be in a place where I dont usually belong? Call me crazy but sometimes I cling to you like an addict does to their drug. Youre like the toxic, abusive relationship I cant get out of.

As I write this tears drip down the permanent tear tracks staining my cheeks and I can only pray for you to leave me alone and give me my life back. I pray that one day I can get rid of you forever and be the person I was meant to be but never did because of you.

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