What’s your number? No not your phone number, the number of people you fell in love with? The number of people you hooked up with? Mines close to double digits, of course not counting all the ones i repeated (i have a thing for assholes who broke my heart before). Some people get shocked when they know how many guys i’ve been with. Some seem like they are fine with it. But the one person that their opinion actually matters to me is… well… me. I put myself down all the time because i’ve been with “too many guys” – according to my societal upbringing- I feel ashamed, maybe that’s why i use an alias.
I didn’t fall in love with every single guy i got in a relationship with, but i sure did tell each and every one of them i loved them. Maybe it was because i was missing something, something i see missing in so many people around me, self acceptance, self love. These aspects are very important in building proper relationships, because if you don’t have a good relationship with yourself, people will walk all over you and treat you like shit when you probably deserve so much better.
So what if i got called a slut for being with many guys? The problem was that i believed that i am one. And that didn’t help me at all because i ended up settling for guys that i can swear if i gave my actions a second to think i would’ve never been with any of them. But i’m alright with what i did, with who i was, because i shouldn’t care what people say, neither should you. That doesn’t mean you go on a fucking spree and forget common sense. Find your own worth, and accept yourself for who you are, and do what you believe to be right, not your parents, not your friends, YOU.
The important point here is that what people say doesn’t matter, as long as you’re happy. As long as you love yourself and aren’t looking for others to provide that love for you, as long as you are proud of who you are and accept yourself as you are. Its okay to want to be better, and to change, but what’s not okay is to be stuck, looking for love that can only be provided by your own self. It doesn’t matter how high your number is, as long as the person you love is you.