Masr Balad El 3agayeb – So Here Are 10 of Them

By: Aicha Korachy

Our Egyptian culture seizes to amaze everyday and all day. We can invent showers from recycled bin, crossover desserts between the east and the west or even jobs outta absolutely nothing. So without further ado, here are 10 3agayeb fe Masr:

One: Never Ending Shampoo

Fe ayy beit masry aseel, kol afrad el osra 3arfeen en mafeesh 7aga esmaha el shampoo yekhlas 3ala akher el shahr. Regardless of the number of family members, regardless of the length of hair, you’ll spend the coming week filling up your shampoo bottle with water to dilute it so it could cough out enough for three more showers. Call us cheap, i call it financial intelligence.

Two: Uncle El Sayes

Man howa? Howa khazoo2 men ta7t el ard beyetla3 “yerakenak”.

Matha yaf3al? Beyshawa7 be2edeh keda wenta betetfy el 3arabeyya 3ashan yekoon “rakenak”.

Beyakhod ehh? Khamsa geneih w yeboselak nazret este7kar el howa “ya menaten, mesh shayef enta rakeb ehh? Dah el rabena adarak 3aleih?”

Three: Ka7k bel Red Velvet?

Okay, I’m all for innovative food creations.. but this is taking it a little too far. Last Eid Bisco Masr released Red Velvet Ka7k, I shit you not.

For some reason our Egyptian people are suddenly obsessed with their newly discovered phenomena of Red Velvet and have been stuffing it into everything.

Konafa Bel Red Velvet? Peace yalla.

The problem is, they think Red Velvet is simply cheap red food coloring drizzled into batters and liquids while baking.

Four: Trucks.

I’ve seen:

Camels
Furniture
Families
Goats
Horses
Sheep
Cows
Chickens
Donkeys
All kinds of fruits and vegetables

Moved around and about in Egypt in these 1/4 na2l trucks.. why? Aside from animal cruelty, dude any shit in the bed goes flying off onto every single car behind you. I’m still haunted by the vivid image of bright orange tangerines all over El Me7war and rolling in the wheels of our car.

Five: “E3mel Shagara”

Broke a vase? E3mel Shagara
Missed a meeting? E3mel Shagara
Pushed over a mannequin? E3mel Shagara

Concept “E3mel Shagara” dah is basically  the skill of acting like you didn’t do shit when you screw up. Men el akher keda lamma bete3mel men banha w betmasel enak ma3maltesh 7aga wenta 3amel kawares.

Six: Al-Faseekh

Tell me one good reason millions of Egyptians risk dying every year to eat old, rotten fish as a celebration to a holiday that isn’t even celebrated by more than half of them. Literally, every year feseekh is suddenly extremely expensive and all around every Sham El-Naseem when it’s just salted rotten fish. Not to mention, the ignorance of the fact that this holiday is in celebration of Christians finishing their days of fasting, but somehow we all end up celebrating by risking our lives…? I’m all for taking risks but that just doesn’t add up! We don’t eat rotten meat in celebration of Eid so why is feseekh even part of the Egyptian diet?

Seven: “Al-Zeft”

There is not a single family in Egypt, Christian or Muslim, rich or poor, large or small that does not use the word zeft.

“Enty ya zefta!”

“Seeb el zeft w khosh nam”

“El zeft elta3’a el naharda”

“Khalast el zeft?!”

The beauty behind it, is that is has different meanings to each family. While I can refer to my piano lesson as el zeft, my friend can refer to her training as el zeft. But we’ll both use the third example and our families will perfectly comprehend.

Eight: Dokoret El-Microbusat

El wa7ed yen2a a3ed fe aman Allah fel 3arabeya w yebos gambo:

Ragel tene7 metana7 3aleik.

Tab3an law bent hay3akes w law magmoo3et banat hayendah sa7bo and so on and so forth.

El microbus lamma bey3ady men gambak betshoof 3agayeb wallah

Nine: Balance et Elegance

El wa7ed yen2a a3ed fe aman Allah fel 3arabeya w yebos gambo (2.0):

W sobhanallah yela2y gamby wa7ed saye2 motorcycle w me7amel 3alieh faree2 kora be7alo.

3arfeen el 3arabeyya el tamanya rakeb? E7na 3andena el motocycle el 9 w 10 w 15 rakeb. The perfect way to describe it? Edward fe 3assal Eswid: “Vespa haneya tekafy meyya.”

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