It Shouldn’t Be So Toxic

By: Hana Abol Magd

As the unfamiliar person carried himself towards her and her friends, she eyed him curiously. How had she not seen him around before? A small happy smile made its way across her face as confusion caused her heart to flutter, she was suddenly – and inexplicably – fascinated by her own feelings.

He reached out for a handshake, introducing himself to her, his eyes looking straight into her own knowingly; as if he knew that the every single thought crossing her mind in that moment was about him – asking herself where whatever this might lead to. She was completely captivated by the purity of her sudden feelings towards this boy who has just a stranger a few hours ago. He made her laugh till she could no longer remember any pain she had ever felt, he easily wormed his way into her heart in no time – literally.

As the days passed, she fell even harder for him, his presence made it easy for the usual screaming inside her head and the loudness of the world around her to quiet down. The world no longer bothered her bright smile or her peace of mind. The feelings of happiness were rushing through her bloodstream and her heart was oddly calm, a type of contentedness that only he offered – it kept her smiling for days. The morning beep of the now customary notifications making her heart flutter every time.

It was so different than the cold shoulder and the it-is-cool-to-keep you-on-read-for-days before bothering to respond. It was refreshing for this love to be the feeling pushing her forward instead of the toxic love holding her back that she had been used to. In fact, nothing at all was toxic in these new feelings, so seemingly pure as his eyes chased her wandering figure amazed by her and everything she is, as she was with him.

She felt the duty of alarming those many people stuck in toxic and unhealthy relationships and one sided love stories, to let go, as hard as it may sound, as impossible you feel it may be, because their “significant others” will never change. They will never stop hurting you in ways that they got used to. They will never wake up one day and decide to love and treat you the way you deserve, but someone else out there is waiting for you.

Don’t you think you deserve way more than wasting your energy on someone with a name that fills your eyes with tears more than it ever brightens your mood? Someone that does not care about you, someone that does not bother to listen to your problems and someone that makes you believe that your feelings are invalid? Someone that does not take time out of their day to ask if you are okay – does not deserve you. Though, have you ever thought  that if you could love this wrong person so much, how much adoration would you carry for the right one?

It is absolutely heartbreaking that people limit  themselves to others that don’t give them the satisfaction of being understood, people that don’t give them the love they should be given, wasting away their days because of the false hope thrown at them sometimes, not bothering to understand how much they actually deserve. Recognizing pain in the constant timeline of holding onto someone that does not hold onto you the same way, but with a conscious decision that you have to let go. One step at a time, the realization that letting go, will only open you up to pure, rather than the harmful love you know, will completely bury away the feelings you once carried.

Open up your heart to unfamiliar people that recognize your worth and will treat you like you deserve. And if you’re blessed enough, and all the stars in the sky align to be on your side; if you are granted with someone that loves you just as much as you love them – drop everything and await the greatness that you’re about to experience. The possibility of an end, filled with heartbreak and tears await but have hope that there may not be one at all.

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