Habits, opinions, actions, feelings are all fragments of who we are, but should we change this supposed identity for people? Social desirability haga built inside us, and no matter how much we claim that we don’t give a fuck about what people think a part of us always does and always will do.
For some bizarre reason we try to “edit” people and this happens a lot when “people” is someone we’re in a relationship with. It’s like suddenly we got a magnification glass and all their flaws and insecurities are bare to us. We’re then left with two options; either to accept their whole self or be assholes and start asking them to change. Bas the thing is that it’s not a clear cut between the two options, fe lots of tiny options in between. Like “I want you to be a better person” and “I care about you” and “love is about compromises”
Personally I can’t form a definite opinion on this, like I definitely feel that I have to change sometimes, but I don’t want to because I try to be “okay” with who I am cause “you’re all you’ve got”. Right?. And as cheesy as this might sound I want to be accepted with all my shit. On the other hand ana nafsy I sometimes think about how some people are doing things the wrong way or how they need to change shwaya to make their lives and the lives of people around them better. So am I just simply a hypocrite or is it that we on some level think we’re better than everyone else?
It’s basically self-love vs. self-development. These two words are coexisting in the dictionary but they just aren’t in my head. I even sometimes when am doing something weird that I enjoy- which I’m not going to mention cause social desirability duh- be like oh my god if one day I got married and lived with someone will I be able to still do this? I know it’s silly, but we definitely don’t act the same around people like when we’re home alone-aka naked. Lol. Bas we not only are physically naked our real self is naked too, if that makes sense.
As a friends-die-hard fan I’d die if I didn’t make a reference, so there was this episode were Rachel makes fun and feels embarrassed of the way Phoebe runs because it looked weird and clumsy. But then Rachel tries it and ignores her fear of what people might say or think, and says “I feel so free and graceful”. So do we wanna feel free of what people want us to be but at the same time accept everybody else blindly, or run stiffly like Rachel and keep on judging Phoebe’s funny way of running? I think the answer to that is pretty clear because at the end we can’t really change anyone so we might as well not change for the sake of anyone. Cause maybe ‘you’re all you’ve got’ isn’t just a sentence in a bio of a girl who just broke up, so you kinda have to at least like all you’ve got.