Love Isn’t Really Love At All

By: Deema Abou El Enein

I’ll try to start from the first thing i remember.

“I love you so much that I hate you and everyone on this planet.”

What is love?

Love is heartbreaks my dear,

I remember my mom walking out of the house with her bags in her hand, she slammed the door so hard that my eardrums almost shattered. I remember the tears running down my fathers eyes as he held me tightly to his chest, telling me “we will be fine”, even though I didn’t know what was happening and he knew quite well its wasn’t going to be fine.

I remember at the age of 9 running after a girl in my class because I thought she was cute and nice and she yelled at me and called me ugly and a loser, and I swear I felt something I couldn’t explain. It felt like stepping on broken glass – or worse.

I remember at the age of 15 when my best friend loved a girl that didn’t love him back, and called him names because he wasn’t the bad guy she wanted? He was up all night in tears because he couldn’t have her near him, so he started getting drunk and high at such a young age precariously balancing between life and death.

I remember at the age of 16 when I loved the girl next door, even thought I didn’t know what I saw in her but she used to be disgusted of me; every time she saw me going down or up the stairs. It made me believe that I’m not good enough, not good enough to be loved.

I remember a couple of months ago seeing a car parked next to mine, with a couple inside. They were yelling so hard my eyes teared up, so I paid attention and tried to guess what they were saying but I lost it when i saw the girl throw her ring in the guy’s face.

The problem with the stories above, is that they make me see love in the ugliest way possible, almost believing that’s what love is, not with just random people but with everyone.

I became brain-washed; believing that this is the true meaning of “love”:

Love is hate
love is faking feelings
love is heartbreaks
Love is tears
Love is disgust
Love is yelling at the top of your lungs
Love is not love at all

We think of “love” as a concept the same way we think of hate.

But is this actually love? Im sorry, but it’s not.
You should just change your perception of “love”, people have given it a bad name, what you see every day, what you see in all those examples is not love, if you can bring yourself to look beyond it, maybe you’ll find out what it actually is – or feels like.

We have a tendency for overthinking about the right person and when are they going to come into our lives; it drives us insane, and turns into impatience. Let’s not worry about finding the one because sooner or later, that one person will be in-front of you, sharing all their feelings, telling you you’re beautiful/handsome. That person’s intentions won’t be as bad as you think. That person will be next to you because they love you, and not because they want to fill some empty space in their heart or on their schedule. They will let you know what love really means and what it’s really all about.

Love is the butterflies in your stomach when you hear her name. Love is the caring, the loyalty, the passion, and the desire to be together, to go against anyone and everything if it meant being with each other.

Love is beautiful, you just haven’t experienced it yet, but you’ll know what it really is when it suddenly crashes over like a tide in your life.

Love could be whatever you want it to be – love is being unafraid of your lover being “jealous”, love is the long ass calls and the silly texts, love is the care and compassion you experience when you’re together, love is honestly indescribable.

Love is beautiful, if only you could open your eyes and see.

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