By: Lana Hazem
You know those days when you and your girls decide to take that risk and go to a horror movie? No matter how much you try to convince yourself enek “mabetkhafish” you always end up ta7t el korsi aw 3al selem; grab some popcorn, sit back and let me tell you what girls really do during Horror movies.
Based on true events
Everything is all good, we walk into the cinema w yalaa baa hanedkhol eh. One says IT, the other says My Little Pony and the last says Sheikh Jackson, long story short, madakhalnash wala wahed mel 3.
We ended up choosing a movie msh 3arfeen nenta2 essmo aslan – a word of advice – don’t do that, msh mobasher bel kheir khales.
Now we got our Redbull and our Popcorn and all the good stuff w dakhleen b kol sekka and there is no one except us, how nice.
-El haga el mate3rafouhash en el cinema el ehna kona feeha film ro3b lewahdo aslan, bas khaleeni akamel-
The movie starts, the first 30 mins are surprisingly normal, w ehna bardo baa b kol sekka bardo benetfarag then a dead person junps in your face; in this case there are several responses and that depends on what type of girl you are, option 1: scream. Option 2: hide under your hoodie. Option 3: temshy w teroohy testaneehom 3al selem. -we normally opt for the second one-
Then we go into the deep parts of the movie w ya haram baa 3al a3da 3al gamb, dy el betakhod kol el darb wel khada wel talteesh.
Then the lights go on and that means en elhamdullah the movie is halfway through, tetfag2y baa bwahda sahbetek 3eneha zar2a, wel tanya sha3raha mankoush -we basically looked worse than the possessed girl in the movie- delwaty kol wahda feeko betfakar f eh el hayehsal ba3den, they send you out to buy some water w enty teshtery el cafeteria kolaha w to3odi tetkalemi 3al telephone ma3 “bae” -aw law zay halaty ma3 wahda sahbetek- w when you go in, el film lessa bade2. Yep, god hates you, that’s what’s on your mind.
At this point you’ve come to accept the fact en you’ll be next on the devil’s list, the devil el enty w sohabek kararto tetleko 3aleh esm “Hagras” -because obviously msh 3arfeen tenta2o esmo howa kaman- fast-forward to the end of the movie, khalas baa the exorcism is happening w you’re waiting for ay haga tehsal -long story short el exorcism a3ad 5 da2aye2-
Now you’re done with the movie, w kol wahda tal3a madrooba bl gazma w fl akher it was for nothing. The ending was an absolute mess and you were close to crying in there for nothing. That’s it, no horror movies ever again. -w kaman shahr hatedkholy film ro3b bardo it happens- mn el akher keda, we hate horror movies, bas c’mon, this article was based on memories I’ll never forget.
*if you’re interested in knowing what movie this was it’s called “The Crucifixion”