Guess What? I’m Over It

By: Salma Mohammed

This is to anyone who feels like they’re lonely even though they’re surrounded by hundreds of people, to anyone who puts on the biggest smile yet has the biggest hole in their heart and thinks they can do nothing about it, and to anyone who thinks they’re worthless just because some idiot said or made them feel so.

Here’s the thing: you are not the number on the scale, you are not your grades, and you are not what everyone thinks or says you are. Your are who you choose to be, you are who God created you to be, and God would never create something that’s not valuable in this world. You’re here for a reason and you have a purpose, and if you think no one understands what you’re going through and no one ever will then you’re wrong. You’re not alone in this world you’re not the only one constantly fighting a battle in your own head, it’s just that everyone copes differently with the pain, everyone opens up in a different way and some people just don’t open up at all. My opening up was through writing – especially over the last year – here’s what I came up with.

1) Listen

It’s 2 am and she can still hear them
she can still hear the screaming
she can still hear the glass shattering
the noises keep her up at night
It’s always cold and dark
and she got no one to keep her warm

listen closely
listen beyond the shouting
listen beyond the cracking of her voice
before she starts crying
listen to the sound of her heart breaking

 

2) Remember?

remember the times you said you’ll be there?
remember all the promises we made?
remember all the things you once said?
remember when everything was simple?
remember when we were okay?
now i’m fighting for you to stay
your love for me has faded
the emptiness in me?                                                                                                                      you can no longer just shade it
I have to accept it
but why is this occurring so suddenly ?
I guess you know though that,                                                                                                        you’re the only one who completes me
from you, I will never be set free

3) Unknown

i felt things i never knew i could feel
everything’s blurry but the feelings are real
i looked at him for saving
but he was too busy saving someone else
staring into space, leaning on the balcony railing
not feeling so lonely when it’s raining
cause it’s then when i’m not crying alone
what am i breaking my own heart for?
he’s just a stupid messed up boy
he took my love for granted
he played me like a toy
my love for him, he will never understand it
i needed him to heal my scars
he was like my clear band aid
and i guess forever wasn’t that long
i knew the time would come
where we’d have our one last song

4) Understand

they will never understand

that the razor is my friend
the thoughts that go through my mind
the wrists that i always hide
the me that i lost
the me that i can’t find
my shattered heart
fixing myself is so hard
my wrist is now just a work of art
the coloring is my favorite part
this is not the end, it’s just a head start

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